Mel-tachi
by Spanish Ninja Sneasel
Summary: This is just a VERY messed up story that I wrote for fun. It's based on a joke with my friends. ^_^ PG for language.


You know the drill. I don't own Pokemon or anything like that. If I did, it wouldn't be FAN FICTION, would it?  
  
NOTE: The I Stupid song, Super Diglett and the Bumbling Moron song are all copyrighted by me and my brother Timmy, so no stealing... Not that you'd want to.  
  
This fic's based on a joke that a few of my friends and I have: we each have a Pokemon alter-ego that we call each other by. I--Melissa (aka Mel)--am Melody from The Power of One (the BEST Pokemon movie) because I'm a snotty little bitch like her. ^_^ My little brother Timmy is Gary because he's his favorite. My friend Marsha (who doesn't even like Pokemon but goes along anyway) is Misty because... Well, just because! Finally, my friend Andy is Tracey because he looks so dang much like him--the reason that started it all. Now that I've explained it all, on to Pokemon trainer manipulation!!!  
  
  
__ __ __  
  
  
(The insanity begins in a peaceful clearing in Viridian forest. The Spearow are chirping happily, the Sentret are frolicking without a care in the world. Their joy is abruptly broken when a figure falls from the sky. A teenage girl with long, brown hair and blue eyes wearing light brown sandals, straight-cut blue jeans with the cuffs folded over, and a pink tank top hits the ground face first with a sickening thud.)  
  
Melody (Mel): That was painful. Huh?  
  
(Melody looks up to see another figure falling... Directly on her. A boy in early adolescence with auburn hair and brown eyes wearing brown and black boots, bluish-gray loose jeans, and a purple tunic-type shirt along with a medallion bearing a yellow and green yin-yang lands on Melody with another sickening thud.)  
  
Melody: THAT WAS PAINFUL, TOO.  
  
Gary (Timmy): Actually, it hurt a lot less than I expected...  
  
Melody: That's because you had ME as a landing pad.  
  
Gary: Oh, I guess you're right.  
  
Melody: You can get off now.  
  
Gary: *sigh* FINE...  
  
(Gary gets up and takes a look at Melody, who is still lying on the ground.)  
  
Gary: Um, how come you look like that? Where's your normal body?  
  
Melody: I could ask the same of you, GARY.  
  
(Gary looks himself over.)  
  
Gary: Yaah! That's not right!  
  
(Their attention is called to a third person coming down. A preteen girl with short red hair and blue eyes wearing red sneakers, blue denim short-shorts, a yellow half-shirt, and red suspenders lands on Melody with--yep, you guessed it--a sickening thud.)  
  
Melody: Why the hell does everyone have to land on ME?!  
  
Gary: Cause you were here first.  
  
Misty (Marsha): You look different, Melissa... You too, Timmy.  
  
Gary: Yes, Marsha. We've established that.  
  
Melody: But you know, you're looking less-than-normal, too.  
  
(Misty looks at herself.)  
  
Misty: Wha...?  
  
Gary: You're Misty.  
  
Misty: ...  
  
Gary: *sigh* From Pokemon.  
  
Misty: OH! Does this mean I'm on TV?!  
  
Melody: No, just my messed-up fanfic.  
  
Gary: Aren't we missing someone?  
  
(Rustling starts in a bush conveniently placed next to them. A teenage boy with dark brown hair and brown eyes wearing a red headband, a light green shirt, red shorts, and hideous, large blue and yellow sneakers steps out in front of them.)  
  
Tracey (Andy): Well, if THAT is not the weirdest thing...  
  
Gary: Told ya.  
  
Tracey: Huh?! You sound like Timmy.  
  
Gary: Cause I am. And you're Tracey.  
  
Melody: And you have hideous shoes. Why didn't you fall from the sky like the rest of us.  
  
(Tracey looks at Gary... Then Melody... Then Misty...)  
  
Tracey: I dunno.  
  
(Facefault.)  
  
Melody: (standing up) Well, it doesn't matter. One less person to land on me with a sickening thud.  
  
Misty: Hey, how come we have the character's bodies but not their voices?  
  
[Author: Hmm... Good point.]  
  
(A blue light zaps the area, then everything returns to normal.)  
  
Gary: (In Gary's nasal voice) Yeah, that was--HEY!!  
  
Tracey: HAH, HAH, HAH! You sound like an idiot!!  
  
Gary: Yeah, well... I'll bet they sound annoying, too!  
  
Melody: Actually, I sound relatively normal.  
  
Tracey: I sound like I'm concentrating deeply on every word, but other than that I'm fine.  
  
Gary: What about her?!  
  
(Gary points to Misty)  
  
Misty: What?  
  
Melody: She does sound annoying...  
  
Tracey: ...But she's always sounded annoying.  
  
Misty: HEY!  
  
Gary: Well, Misty. You made me sound like an ass, what OTHER bright ideas do you wanna give the author?  
  
Misty: Um... How about making Misty the star of the fic and having Melody say she likes Misty better than Tracey?!  
  
[Author: ... No.]  
  
Misty: *whining* But I'm so much beeeeeetter than him...  
  
Melody: NO WHINING!  
  
Gary: *whining* Yeah, Misty. Stop whiiiiining...  
  
Melody: Are you mocking me? Remember, I wrote The Pidgey Chronicles and there is NO proof that I didn't base the maniacal bird off myself!  
  
Tracey: Yeah, but aren't you supposed to be the author of this, too?  
  
Melody: ...That's right, I am! But then who's the one who gave us the character voices and actually listens to Misty's ideas?!  
  
[Author: Well, you can't write the story from INSIDE the story.]  
  
Melody: But I'm NOT inside the story! Melody's inside the story!  
  
[Author: And you're Melody.]  
  
Melody: But it's fan FICTION!!!  
  
[Author: ... ... ...SILENCE! I am the author dude who gets to manipulate the scenes, now shut!]  
  
Melody: *grumbles*  
  
Gary: Not to break up this extremely interesting argument, but don't you think we should figure out where we are?  
  
Melody: We're in Viridian forest.  
  
Tracey: How do you know?  
  
Melody: Well, first of all because I'm the AUTHOR OF THIS FIC!!!  
  
(A bolt of lightning crashes right next to Melody)  
  
Melody: Heh, heh... Second, I wrote a ShiShi that took place in Viridian forest. The one where you're dead, Gary.  
  
Gary: But if I'm dead, wouldn't it just be a Shi?  
  
Misty: What's a ShiShi?  
  
(Melody looks at Misty. Misty just stares at Melody.)  
  
Melody: ...Never mind. (turns back to Gary) I wonder if your treehouse is in here?  
  
Tracey: Anyway! So exactly what are we gonna do? Are we gonna leave and get lost, leave and find civilization, courtesy of dumb luck, or are we gonna sit around here and wait for the big, scary author dude to let us out?  
  
[Author: NO NOT MOCK ME!!!]  
  
(Another lightning bolt comes down, this time nicking Tracey's ugly shoe.)  
  
Tracey: All righty then...  
  
Gary: This way!  
  
(Gary starts charging aimlessly through the forest.)  
  
Melody: Even in my fanfic, you're an idiot.  
  
Gary: (calling back) Thank you!  
  
Misty: I guess we're going that way...  
  
__ __ __  
  
(Our four hopeless stars now find themselves lost deeper in the woods.)  
  
Tracey: Are you happy NOW, Gary?!  
  
Gary: Course I am. Caaaaaaaaaaause.....  
  
(Gary starts tapping his foot in an upbeat rhythm. Melody and Tracey groan and cover their faces, knowing what's coming.)  
  
Gary: I stupid, I stupid, I stupid, stupid, stupid... I stupid, I stupid, I stupid, stupid, stupid...  
  
Tracey: I never thought I'd live to see the day. Gary revealing his true identity.  
  
Melody: Hey, I LIKE Gary!  
  
(Misty stares at Gary, who is now doing a whole routine dance along with his song. Misty looks frightened.)  
  
Misty: W...What's he doing?  
  
Melody: Let's leave it at this: At least he's not meowing.  
  
Gary: Meow?  
  
(Melody smacks herself in the forehead)  
  
Tracey: Hey Gary, I wonder if we'll find any Super Diglett around here?  
  
Gary: SUPERRRRR DIGLETTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Melody: WHY do you encourage him?!  
  
Tracey: (grinning) Cause I know you hate it.  
  
(Melody pulls Tracey's headband over his eyes)  
  
Tracey: (taking headband off) Did you have to go and do that?! I don't know how to put this back on right!  
  
Melody: Good.  
  
[Author: I can fix that.]  
  
(A beam of green light flushes over Tracey, then leaves. Tracey's headband is on right.)  
  
Melody: Do you just hate me or something?  
  
[Author: You're not on my list of favorites, no.]  
  
Gary: (grinning) What about me?!  
  
[Author: ...Uh-uh.]  
  
Gary: What did I do?  
  
[Author: Well, your true identity is related to her true identity, so I have that to hold against you.]  
  
Gary: Well, that's cheap.  
  
Tracey: Hey! That provides a good twist in the plot! Melody and Gary are actually siblings!  
  
Melody: But Gary already has a sister.  
  
Tracey: Who cares?!  
  
Misty: Hey, I haven't said anything in this whole scene.  
  
Gary: Yes, that is pretty strange for you, isn't it?  
  
Melody: Well, what do you want to say?  
  
Misty: I don't know.  
  
Tracey: ARGH!  
  
Melody: Hey, wait a minute...  
  
(Melody whispers something to Misty)  
  
Gary: What are you doing? Are you talking about what an idiot I am or something?!  
  
Misty: Hey, author dude?  
  
[Author: Yeeees....]  
  
Misty: You like ME, right?  
  
[Author: I suppose so, since you annoy the others.]  
  
Misty: Well then, how about putting us in civilization for me?  
  
[Author: Is this some sort of trick?!]  
  
Melody: YES! Now heeeeeeeeeeeed to me!!!!!!!! I AM the author, now PUT US IN A TOWN!!!  
  
[Author: If you saaaaay soooo....]  
  
Tracey: What did you just get us into?  
  
(A giant yellow light envelopes the scene)  
  
__ __ __  
  
(Melody, Gary, Misty and Tracey are now in Pallet Town.)  
  
Gary: Whoo-hoo! Pallet!  
  
Misty: I don't get it. What was the author dude making such a big deal about?  
  
Tracey: Who knows, who cares. We're in civilization and that's what matters.  
  
[Author: Ahh, how naive you are. Don't you understand? Pallet Town is the most important part of Kanto, because the most important person OF Pokemon lives here.]  
  
Melody: Aaaaand....  
  
[Author: Don't you see?!]  
  
Gary: ...No, not really.  
  
[Author: *growls* Well, I screwed you over, believe me! Now you'll pay!]  
  
Tracey: Uh-huh. Anyway, let's find some people!  
  
Misty: Sounds good to me.  
  
__ __ __  
  
(The four head to the Oak Research Center.)  
  
Tracey: Remind me again why we have to go HERE.  
  
Melody: Cause I wanna see all the Pokemon. Melody here's not a Pokemon trainer, so I don't have any!  
  
(Tracey has a gleam in his eye)  
  
Tracey: Well... I have some Pokemon...  
  
Melody: Oh, no...  
  
Tracey: I have Venonat...  
  
Melody: Don't.  
  
Tracey: And Scyther...  
  
Melody: I'm warning you!  
  
Tracey: Aaaaaaaand...  
  
Melody: Don't say it!  
  
Tracey: PIKABLU!!!!  
  
Melody: ARGH!!!  
  
(Melody smacks Tracey in the head.)  
  
Melody: NOBODY calls Marill Pikablu on MY watch!!  
  
(The door opens. Professor Oak looks astonished.)  
  
Oak: TRACEY! Where on earth have you been?! Why did you run off like that?!  
  
Tracey: Uh, er, I...  
  
Oak: Gary! Misty! Some strange girl!  
  
Melody: Hey, I'm Melody. Remember? End of the world, the chosen one, the earth shall turn to ash, the song of the legend?  
  
Oak: ....Uh-huh. So you were involved in that?  
  
Melody: YES!! I was the one with the seashell ocarina!  
  
Oak: Oh. I see. How have you been, Misty?  
  
Gary: What about meeee?  
  
Oak: I haven't forgotten you, Gary!  
  
(Gary grins.)  
  
Tracey: I think we need to do a little explaining...  
  
Oak: Yes, you do, Tracey. I want some answers, young man.  
  
(Oak pulls Tracey inside.)  
  
Tracey: But I didn't--  
  
Oak: Save it! I'm sorry, you three, but we have a little something to work out.  
  
(The door slams in Gary, Melody and Misty's faces.)  
  
Melody: Just.... Great.  
  
Gary: Hey, YOU were the one who wanted to go here!  
  
Misty: When the Professor finds out that's not actually Tracey, who knows what he'll do!  
  
Gary: Great, so now we're stuck in Pallet Town, Tracey's been kidnapped by Professor Oak, and we have a lunatic of an author dude who can do anything on a mere whim!  
  
(Gary's head suddenly explodes.)  
  
Melody. (puts hand on forehead) *sigh*  
  
__ __ __  
  
  
(Melody and Misty are dragging Gary, whose head is glued together in various places, to the Ketchum house.)  
  
Melody: You know, you're fully conscience. I don't see why you can't pull yourself!  
  
Gary: Cause I'd rather be pulled.  
  
Misty: What if we don't WANT to pull you?  
  
Gary: Well, why don't we see how YOU'RE feeling when the author blows YOUR head up!  
  
Melody: Don't give him any ideas!  
  
Misty: I think we're here.  
  
(Melody walks up to the door and begins to knock, but the door opens before she finishes.)  
  
Melody: AGH! Tracey! How did you get here?!  
  
Tracey: ...I dunno.  
  
(Facefault.)  
  
Misty: But what about the whole thing with the old dude and all that?  
  
Tracey: Oh, that. I just ran away.  
  
Melody: You what?! You do realize that when we get out of here Tracey's gonna be in deep shit.  
  
Tracey: And that should concern me... How?  
  
Melody: Never mind.  
  
Tracey: Hey, where's Gary?  
  
Misty: Right here.  
  
Melody: The author blew his head up.  
  
(Gary waves.)  
  
Tracey: Ugh... That guy's got a bad temper.  
  
(A Snorlax suddenly falls from the sky, nearly landing on Tracey.)  
  
Tracey: ...I just won't say anything.  
  
Gary: Hey... How ARE we gonna get out of here?  
  
[Author: I'm very glad you asked that, GARY, because I think I can answer that for you.]  
  
Misty: Uh...  
  
[Author: You see, I don't intend on letting you out of here alive. But you probably could have guessed that since I've been trying to kill you through the entire fic.]  
  
Melody: HEY! This IS my fic, and I don't wanna kill myself, kay?  
  
[Author: FOOLS! It's MY fic now! The only way you can stop me is to get out, and the only way to get out is to stop me! *laughs maniacally*]  
  
Gary: Uh, let's see. You have to get out to--  
  
Misty: But I thought you liked me!  
  
[Author: Well, I don't anymore! A real evil person can't like ANYONE!]  
  
Melody: Who left an evil person in charge of my fic anyway?  
  
[Author: *snickering* No one left me in charge of it. I took over MYSELF! As payback. Payback!!]  
  
Tracey: Payback for what?  
  
[Author: Payback for not putting me in the fic!! I'M THE MAIN CHARACTER, DAMMIT!!]  
  
(Misty, Gary, Tracey and Melody finally come to the realization that Ash is the one who took over the fic.]  
  
Misty: Okay, so you're mad because we didn't put you in?  
  
[Ash: Of COURSE I am! I'm the STAR!]  
  
Melody: But it's really not that much of an honor. We're all bumbling morons.  
  
Gary: (singing to the tune of the "Blues Clues" song) I'm a bumbling moron, I'm a bumbling moron. I'm a bumbling moron, and I'm not very smart!  
  
(Melody smacks Gary in the head, getting glue on her hand.)  
  
Melody: That's MY idiot song! You have the I Stupid song.  
  
[Ash: Sooooo, you're not getting out of here alive! Revenge is sweet! I'VE WANTED TO BLOW GARY'S HEAD UP FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!]  
  
Tracey: Who hasn't?  
  
[Ash: Now then, how should I kill you all off?]  
  
Melody: Hey, I've got another idea!  
  
(Melody starts whispering to Misty again.)  
  
Gary: They must be talking about you this time, Tracey.  
  
Misty: Oh, Aaaaash....  
  
[Ash: What do you want?!]  
  
Misty: I was just wondering... You're not gonna kill ME, are you?  
  
[Ash: Well, uh... I...]  
  
Tracey: What?  
  
Melody: If Ash has taken over the fic, he decides the outcome. Now, I don't imagine this guy has much creativity, so it would end up the same way most fics do: Ash and Misty are together and everyone else lives happily ever after.  
  
Gary: Good plan.  
  
Misty: I REALLY wouldn't want anything to happen to me, because then I couldn't be with you. Unless of course, you died, too...  
  
[Ash: I'm sorry, Misty! I'll never upset you again! We can be together in Heaven! Here, I'll start!]  
  
(A loud explosion is heard throughout Pallet Town.)  
  
Tracey: ....Damn.  
  
Gary: You can say that again.  
  
Melody: I kinda don't want to go back now.  
  
Gary: WHAT?! Are you kidding?! I can't wait to get MY voice back!  
  
Melody: Yeah, I know... But I really don't want to see the mess on my keyboard.  
  
(Facefault.)  



End file.
